New Chapter
Life in chapters, segments, something to wrap your mind around and reflect back in a compartmentalized matter. What was my life like in the past chapter? … a mini-segment of reincarnation. Drawing the corollary, if you do well in the last life/chapter then the next will bring bring better fortune. Not that I let my outcome up to fate or karma, that philosophy has a degree of separation from free will or that I’m not completely agreeable with.
I made a very tough decision to leave Implen… was offered a project manager promotion on the the same day that I was prepared to submit my resignation… the irony of timing was my final negotiated new job offer came 15 minutes prior to the promotion being offered on the BART to a suppier trade show in San Francisco. I feel like I left everything honorably, in a good state, though second guess if my commitment and altruism to the company was really reciprocated or an exercise in being well managed and controlled.
But with that aside, I will complete my MBA and MS in a few short weeks (minus a 1 unit seminar which I hardly count). Family and friends are supportive, and they will throw a big party and graduation ceremony in my honor. I had a birthday less than a week ago, 25, just old enough to rent a car without insane premiums. Just in time for my new West Coast Sales Manager position. I’m frankly a bit disappointed that I can’t say I finished an MBA and MS + my experience BEFORE I turned 25, but 4 months on the scope of things is not significant. I race against time, our time here is limited… I want to do so much.
So far I am very happy about my new job. Funny I’ve always toggled between chemistry and life sciences. My scientific mind is more aligned with chemistry, but the commercialization end is more aligned with life sciences. Flow Chemistry reactors have strongest application in life sciences (primarily biopharma), but the customers and fundamentals are all chemistry based (synthesis, medicinal chem, etc)… perhaps a perfect fit? I love the freedom to run my own mini-business in charge of 1/2 the US. With knocking school out MBA&MS in 3 short weeks (minus little seminar), I will have full focus.
Moving too probably… bay area is choice #1.
Next step
I’m going to finish school early in March. I’m so sick of burning the candle at both ends without any life balance… I’m burned out. Working so hard to pay for MBA & MS, director level responsibility at work and living at home not even able to break even with tuition and other expenses. I stacked up classes this summer, last kick to bring to the finish line of the race.
All along the way I’m figuring what is my best card to pull within the next 6months. I have a lot of opportunities in front of me and could go in many directions. Which will make me most fulfilled, freedom, money, balanced life, and happiness? I love my current job and people I work with, but I often doubt if all the sacrifices I have made for it will pay off compared to the other options in my back pocket. I work myself into the grave, and don’t know how to ask for a little time to breathe. Feeling like my work owns me, and I’m feeling resentful for it.
I want to be exceptional. Mediocrity is my biggest fear.
Pittcon
Pittcon was amazing and reinforced that I really love this industry. I’m working incredibly hard at 60-70 hour weeks with dual masters degree work on top of this, so I am keeping a weary eye for burnout. I get very tired sometimes, physically and emotionally. Still I have the focus and momentum… things are exciting and I am motivated to keep pushing and do positive things in my life.
I had never been to Atlanta before. Flights were long with redeye out last Saturday and then 3am return to my bed Friday morning. Was able to stay at the Westin downtown peachtree for a priceline steal of $70/night which has an amazing rotating 360 degree view of the city. The show was amazing and it solidified that I belong in this industry. I think I define myself too much by my career, since I felt more at home at Pittcon then I do back in Newbury Park, CA. I didn’t want to return home and could have stayed at the show for several more days since there is just so much to see.
School is pulling me away from my focus on work, even though the dual masters are supposed to be complimentary. Finals and projects are due next week and at the same time I have a new employee starting… the stress will start to creep up. Need to stay calm, cool, and focused under this pressure.
New Carpet, New Beginnings, Life is Good
So after 10+ years of this eggplant color carpet, the parentals have arranged to have the carpet redone. Lots of memories and history with this purple haze, though I’m not particularly hung up on the carpet. More so, I am fixed on the mock moving out to clear the space for the new carpet. I am very good at practicality and delaying gratification by accepting the ego blow being a boomerang daughter to work my way through a couple masters degrees…. still this mock move out has been interesting. I can’t wait for my single lady bachelorette apartment after graduation… in 2012. 
Work has been awesome, ASCB2010 in Philadelphia was great. I am so sick of school and just want to live the life of Up in the Air for a few years. I’m accepting the small family business culture and embracing the great opportunity my job is… I was hesitant before since I did not want to be too emotionally committed to such a high risk situation. I’m letting myself finally trust and not let the calculating business women sabotage such a great opportunity due to some unknown variables. I am young and have plenty of time to experiment. Life is good, I am feeling positive and the grind is not as heavy as usual. Holidays are going to be wonderful… I think I am finally…. happy. Wow, yes, content and progressing toward deep fulfillment.
Tired
Work is doing great, short story we’re growing… I am not going to blog too much about work anymore because there is a lot of strategy and it would not be wise to share this with the world and competitors. Not that anyone reads this blog of course… this is more a journal for my thoughts and life progress.
Finishing up Fall classes (High Performance Management and Strategic Management) and cannot wait for winter break. I get some time off work too and it will be nice to have some time with absolutely no school or work…well, there’s always addressing critical work stuff that can’t be ignored for a week or two. It will be nice to relax with the family and visiting friends (Sarah and Jeff are flying home! I miss my bffs since we’re all scattered in 3 different US timezones).
I’m becoming very sick of school and can’t wait until I’m done. Business trips keep interfering with my ability to attend with tradeshows and distributor training. I’m probably losing a whole letter grade for attendance in one class, but we’ll see if I can make up for it with stellar work. I made a commitment to do this MBA/MS program (emotional and financial) and will definitely finish at all costs, but it is a lot to handle full time work and school. I’m tired, i’m very tired, exhausted. I can’t wait to get to a positive net worth and start bringing a cash flow in to start some savings again. Money is freedom and opportunity, and I need to get to a point where I have a cushion. I’m looking for security and self sufficiency. I’m also sick of being so bound to Ventura County and can’t wait to really be free to make the world my oyster… actually I can’t wait to sleep, oh glorious sleep…that’s all that’s on my mind, gnight.
Oh Neglected Blog, Hai There
I haven’t written in a long time. Recent things regarding work:
- Went to Germany in April for Analytica. Mostly all work but still amazing. I had never been to Europe since it was never practical, and what better way than to have a company trip! Hopefully going to distributor meeting during Oktoberfest this year.
- Application development going well. I managed to make some forensic contacts which has really paid off in development of TSD plus some new including narcotic tampering.
- Organized EB2010 trade show. Negotiated very discounted last minute booth rate and came up with a great “socal beach” theme. All the other booths were dull and we managed to stick out via a very unconventional approach. It was a delicate balance between professionalism within a conservative scientific community, and using squirt guns on the show floor. Great ROI!
School Progress:
I realized I could graduate Fall of 2011 with MBA/MS Biotech which is just over a year from now; however, thinking of taking a summer off for the first time in five years. I have never taken a single break from school, and cost is absolutely no different spreading it out (tuition is per unit). Trying to let myself relax and be okay with that. Sanity and being happy is more important that being a relentless overachiever.
And for fun:
Huh? What fun? Let’s see, I got supplies for 2 new batches of beer. A Belgian Trippel and English Pale Ale should be started soon. I decided to order online for the first time from a site recommended by reddit users called Northern Brewer. The yeast was not super cold when I got it though which is concerning.
Day in, day out
Things are good, things are great: Great job, great company, recent UCLA grad, currently doing fully employed masters programs, have hobbies, surrounded by loved ones.
Still, i float through numb and unaffected. I lie to myself and psyche myself up for things I don’t really care. A constant nagging of apathy and dispair; I fend it off with selective positive thoughts that are disingenuous . A little fallacy to avoid the depression that would grasp if I fully entertained my thoughts. Not just a day of moping over an event, but a deep hazy warm chasm… all too familiar. Stuck down in the deepest pits of despair with an inevitable conclusion of death… peace, rest, and silence. So I may be apathetic, but not so much so that I stop loving my family. My biggest lie is for them.
First Day as a Grad Student
Today I start school again. A fully employed MS Biotech/MBA through CSUCI allows me to earn two masters degrees while working full time. Most of the classes are offered in the Thousand Oaks off-campus location. I will be taking MGT 471 Project Management, BUS 502 Quantitative Methods for Decision Making, BIOL 504 Molecular Cell Biology, and ECOn V01B Microeconomics. Very manageable with classes 2 nights/week, 1 Saturday morning class, and Econ through Ventura College distance education. Seems surreal to no longer be considered an undergrad.
My Implen job is still undetermined. I’m hoping immigration works out and I can start working again with my boss’s return to the states. In the meantime I’m applying to other jobs so I don’t have all my eggs in one basket. Made some money this weekend too at my microbrew job with Angel City. The pay is really low, but I don’t have much else to fill my day and I’m broke, so no loss there.
1st Day of Work
Today I started my first day and I tagged along to USC to demo a photometer. Then some time in the office getting setup with user accounts and email. It was a great introduction and I can see this being a really rewarding job.
New Job – Implen
Tomorrow I fill out the W2 and finalize the offer and paperwork. I’m so excited and nervous that I can’t sleep. Also, I want a Smart Car.
These things repeat over and over in my head and keep me awake. Really, let it go, tomorrow will come. I’ll enjoy it much more if I can sleep just a little.