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Monday, January 26, 2009
Gradually, Then Suddenly
"Just as I always said that I went down gradually and then suddenly, I also got up that way." - Elizabeth Wurtzel Prozac Nation
Last quarter I sat exactly where I am now, Kerkoff early morning by the east window studying for a midterm. I am doing exactly the same thing, same time of day, same exact seat, but this time I feel different... I can breathe. The world is not crushing me... I am not crushing myself. I have faith in my ability and I studied hard. So this is what they mean by functioning. What a relief.Labels: depression, school
Posted by Heather Graehl at 7:32 AM
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Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Disorientation
So disregard my last post since I'm back to the drawing board. This week has been strange with a lot of thinking about my future plans and modifying my current plans to accommodate these undecided future plans. Positioning myself strategically to best suit my undecided self. Confused? yes, so am I.
I saw a wonderful sign today when riding my bike back from Trader Joe's. It was neon green with black print with an arrow in my riding direction spelling LIFE vertically. Riding past in the direction this LIFE arrow pointed made me want to cry a release of frustrating emotions, but I couldn't muster a tear. So instead I just had smile softly with watery eyes, which was almost as good.
I find this very appropriate:
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.
And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.
Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.
And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.
Oh! The Places You’ll Go!
You’ll be on your way up! You’ll be seeing great sights! You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.
You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.
Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t.
I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.
You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.
You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.
And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.
You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?
And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.
You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
No! That’s not for you! Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!
Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.
Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.
I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.
All Alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.
And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.
And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains! So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So…get on your way!Labels: life, school
Posted by Heather Graehl at 12:11 AM
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Friday, June 06, 2008
Distracted
I have two finals on Monday that I am nowhere near prepared. I have a problem with distractions, especially the internet. I tried unplugging my router but then realized I needed access to wikipedia and blackboard for legitimate academic purposes. The router was plugged back in to look up old exam keys, but then my previous tendencies of wasting time on random websites resumed. So I stumbled upon this firefox add-on called LeechBlock that is able to block just specific websites. I added digg, facebook, myspace, caloriecount... and probably should have added blogger as well. It is a really neat addon!
I am trying so desperately to keep concentration that I even made an outlook calender of my entire weekend of class, study time, exercise, and errands which syncs with my phone easily to keep me on task. I set up a reward that if I study like crazy according to Friday's calender and get up early to study Saturday, by 2pm I can take a bike ride to West LA and get a labret piercing. So now blogger is now going on LeechBlock list!Labels: ADD, finals, leechblock, school
Posted by Heather Graehl at 12:20 AM
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Friday, September 14, 2007
E for All
I am trying to get a group of people together to go to E for All videogame convention. I belong to this interest group Video Game Voter's Networkand they are offering free four day passes if you send a picture of yourself holding an anti-government regulation of videogames sign. They'll use the sign on a "wall" of supporters, but they will give a free 4 day pass to E for All for the first 75 senders. The pass sells for $110, so I am crossing my fingers I'm getting it.
And I officially have just started summer break with my last summer session final today. 3 hour o-chem final was MURDER. I hope the curve saves me... I don't want my first C. Commencing my thirteen days of no work or school!Labels: gaming, school
Posted by Heather Graehl at 3:59 PM
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Wednesday, September 05, 2007
iTouch
So the iPod touch was announced; however, they are only making 8gb and 16gb versions for $299 and $399 respectively. Although iPods have the best navigation in my opinion, I am becoming less of a loyal ipod user. First, apple does not support drag and drop transfers and the 3rd party software out there doesn't satisfy me. Second, the new "cool" ipods will be low capacity due to their use of flash memory. I have the black ipod video 60gb now, and with a music collection growing over 100gb I find myself using my ipod less and less. My next mp3 player purchase will be a tiny flash based player that is 200gb... these might exist in 5 years?
Oh, and I got an A on my o-chem midterm... I am pro with NMR, IR, and mass spec.Labels: school, technology
Posted by Heather Graehl at 1:27 PM
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Friday, August 31, 2007
Mae and Midterm
I went to see Mae Wed night with Brian, Tim, and Bianca. It was awesome... and I am buying a Mae hoodie now! As we were waiting for signatures after the show, apparently the keyboardist ran outside and was hit by a car. I was unsure of my decision to go since it was 2 days before a big o-chem midterm that is 20% of my grade. I don't regret it a bit because I nailed the midterm today anways!
Going to the padres house for the weekend. Happy Birthday Mom and Andrea!Labels: music, school
Posted by Heather Graehl at 11:52 AM
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Friday, August 17, 2007
whine whine whine
I'm soooooo tired. O-chem midterm and Calc final = 40 hours of studying in 50 hour period = 6 hours of sleep.
A 6 week o-chem class is murder. waahhh! I do feel free and liberated now though... but first, sleepy time.
I shall celebrate tonight at Dustin's going away party.Labels: school
Posted by Heather Graehl at 11:13 AM
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Monday, June 25, 2007
1st day at UCLA
I don't think I have evern been this excited for the first day of school since kindergarten. I drove down to UCLA to my first class, MATH 32A (calculus of several variables). My teacher is young and pretty cute to my suprise... the name Boisvert sounded like an old guy to me, but I was wrong :P. The class is going to be pretty boring for the first week since it is teaching material already covered by my last calc class. Overall good experience for the first day, and I didn't get lost or have to use a map. The food court was packed... I can't imagine how crouded it'll get this fall.
I also got a flipping $4,000 scholarship from UCLA Alumni association yesterday. I feel honored and distinguished from this award, because they narrowed down the selection from essays as step one and an interview as step two. It was pretty competitive. There are lots of other cool perks other than the monitary compensation...
Oh, and I am no longer employed by PC Club! That sucubus of a company is out of my life!Labels: school, work
Posted by Heather Graehl at 4:11 PM
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Monday, June 04, 2007
Life is a changing
My last day working at PC Club is June 22nd. I started back in Nov 2002 so it is going to be a big adjustment leaving my job of over 4.5 years. I really have started to hate my job, but now that the final date is set I find myself missing it already.
I found a place to live in Westwood that is only a few hundred feet from campus... it is on Strathmore at Gayley. Google maps it!
It is a bachelor which is a tiny room and bathroom with a minifridge and microwafe (no kitchen). For $750 per month including utilities it is a super good price, and I can stand the small space since it is only myself living there. So i'm looking for furniture... a loft and a small desk. Move in date is July 3rd and I am excited to get situated down there.Labels: school, work
Posted by Heather Graehl at 5:44 PM
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